what day is it and did you see me today?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize