this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
