The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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