ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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