a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Randomize
