I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
