So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
