I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
being pregnant is like rehab
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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