the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
