dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
