She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
