I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
