I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
