can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
