Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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