My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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