Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
