This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just had sex on a roof
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
i believe in u and ur pee
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize