***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
