i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
