OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
