Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
