I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
