I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
