i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
