I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
