Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
