Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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