what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Floor bacon is actually really good
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
