this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
