what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
