I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
