The best revenge is premature balding
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
