Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
