Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
