R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
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