I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
