i think my tv is drunk
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
