I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
