he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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