i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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