Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
