Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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