i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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