Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Randomize
