My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
there was a trapeze. enough said
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
