why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Less talking, more tequila
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
