y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
