I feel like abortions should bother me more
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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