Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
