He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
