Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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