Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Randomize
