After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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