Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
