if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
