idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
