I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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