Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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