put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
