$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
