i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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