Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize