What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
