I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
