I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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