he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
