Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
