I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize