Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
