I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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