just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
