Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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