I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I love having hate sex.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
