Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Randomize
