I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
