Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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