So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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