Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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