I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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