Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
