So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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