then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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