Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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