I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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