its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
