pop tarts are not kleenex
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize