Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
