Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
