Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
