dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize