I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
