using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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