I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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