his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
