sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
